So I was sitting up at the FFU just wasting time as I normally do when I got an IM from a sub called Damien, thanking for the wonderful stories on my blog. I have got to be honest I am floored people still read this thing, but since it appears that some people do, I might as well give you somewhat of an update on the past year i haven't been posting.
God that kills me to say. Past year... have I really been in SL that long?
Yes. Yes I have. 1417 days to be precise.
So here's the deal, when you first come to SL, its this brand new oyster full of all these wonderful possibilities, new places to play and to people to meet. And just like in your real life, you meet some people you like to be around, things you like to do, and you kinda keep going with that. But eventually, things can sometimes get a little stale. Thats not to say I am not enjoying my second life and the pets I Keep, far from it. As long as Maxie, Reanne, Nina (nolan for the "regular" readers) and my other friends keep popping on second life, I still have a reason to do the same. They really have become an extension of my family, and I am always genuinely glad to see them. But I have run alot of my kinks with them and I some of it does start to feel a little bit like old hat. So the fear is that they either A.) get bored cuz were doing the same crap. or B.) get bored cuz were not doing anything at all.
I could always take a new pet, but finding that choice sub, that person with a good amount of RP and the right level of commitment is impossible. For subs reading this? Repeat that word to yourself. Commitment. If someone is going to take the time to train you or spend time with you, Show some FUCKING commitment. Nothing is more infuriating than having someone I've worked hard on to mold properly fucking flat leave me without a word. A few have done it, and its pretty much my one unforgivable offense. You burn my trust Once? its fucking gone for good.
"Count on Nobody, and nobody will let you down." - Agent M
So that's why the updates have for the most part stopped, I'm not the shutterbug in SL i used to be either as well. which also plays a part in things. Now most of you will notice above that I didn't mention Ashe in the prior mentioned names. Ashe had become quite the flake over time. Disappearing for months on end without a word. One day he came back and we had a long sit down. We dissolved our partnership and went our separate ways. He was some things in his RL he wanted to pursue and i was supportive of that. I was ok with it. He sometimes pops back on and plays with others for reasons sited why we should split, and while i still sing his praise in my profile, he pretty much seems to be doing everything to forget about me. I try not to think about it but we were joined at the hip for pretty much 2 years... So it hurts a bit when i reflect on it. He doesn't think its awkward at all. I guess I'm easily forgotten.... Well, what can you do? Wish him the best...
Which kinda brings us to now, Things are a bit tumultuous at home. I have three pets that i love but they are getting on edge cuz I'm not as active as i used to be. They want to seem me happy, but its making me unhappy to know they are bored and probably unhappy. There have been a number of fights, some resolutions, attempts made and tears flowed.
Its made me realize how little difference there is in SL when it comes to emotions. Things that have happened here that have made me cry more times than in my RL, and really? i wouldn't change it for anything. I'd be lying if i said i ha vent thought about dissolving my group and letting them all run free. They'd never tell me to my face thats what they want, and maybe its not.
But if there is one thing out of my whole time here that i have learned is this: I'm not special. Im not a mistress. Im not a goddess, Humilatrix, Dominant, whatever. I'm just a person. Person with simple interests and things that make me happy, sad, and angry. Nothing more than that.
We come to Second life to become something different. To become what we want to be. But no matter how much time you spend, skins you buy, clothes you wear, people you meet, the only thing you end up becoming is yourself.
And that's totally ok.
*Kisses*
Cohen Graves
